"To my left was a table full of three young Americans, high on precociousness. One was wearing a shirt with a fleece – or was it a fleece with a shirt? – and the sort of shoes you only ever see abandoned"
Celebrity journalist and travel writer Stephen Unwin is taken into custody for an evening and finds the amenities lacking
"There was a make-up fridge in the bathroom, which I have never seen in all my days. I decided to keep my contact lenses in there, because who doesn’t want chilled eyes"
“Turn the car around Paul, we’re not staying here.”
"Everywhere you look there’s colour and movement and BK greaseproof wrappers rolling along in the popcorn-scented wind"
"It is hideously enjoyable – once the warm fuzz of premium vodka kicks in"
"I should start this with something pithy on 'wellness', which I believe is a made-up word." Spa cynic Stephen Unwin visits La Réserve Ramatuelle in France