"It's about time there was some good news. Malta's chequered, bloody history of invasion and war continued into the 20th century when package-tour Brits turned up in droves to drink lager and scarf fish'n'chips before throwing up outside macabre discos"
"Does Valentine’s Day make love cheap? Thankfully yes … and so do I"
What happens when a food writer is denied food?
"A pianist. At breakfast. Playing the love theme to Tootsie"
"Kate from Croydon and Naomi from Streatham, not glamazons from Manhattan"
"Polo can be as stealth as nicotine, more expensive than cocaine and as addictive as success"
"There are monkeys, of course, because this is India, and monkeys are ubiquitous, but if you’ve ever been on safari in Africa you know that once the guide starts talking about primates and wildfowl it means that all the good stuff has gone home for the day"