"It’s 8PM on a Friday night at Hakkasan Mayfair and a urinal is leaking piss"
"Then bread arrives. Outlandish and spectacular bread. In shapes and colours I don't recognise …"
"One recurrent comment has been: 'Truffle and fontina pizza for £29!? WTF!??'"
"When I go to the toilet, I happen upon a waitress spraying copious amounts of stain remover upon the man whose chinos she has spilled food all down"
"I had my last honeymoon here at The Savoy. We had to get the dealer out at 3am …"
"But when a friend who knows about these things asked me if I’d been to the sizzling hotspot, I had to consult a map. 4th Street north east?? Dear God. Where’s that?"
Gaggan in Bangkok made it to number seven in The World's 50 Best Restaurants list 2017. So why is it closing?
"According to the preternaturally handsome maitre'd it was all his own choice. Hmmm, I demurred …"
"It’s a doozy, a murder by a million cuts so subtle that on first reading you can’t quite understand how a restaurant came to be lying in front of you in a puddle of its own viscera, twitching its last"