"This is a region that prides itself on this unique breed of cow, renowned for their muscular hypertrophy, commonly known as double muscling"
"And so they do. So they must. Picking, plucking, pulling, wading the waters and even diving for ingredients have become necessary, as and when the tides permit"
"Not another contemporary twist promise, another twiddly-accented, jus-dribbling, foam-flicking chef"
"I want the person responsible for cooking my dinner to be a proper fatty, experienced in gluttony"
"Chefs all wear the preposterously tall toque blanche hat, but all of the pomp is lavishly lapped up"
"A daily menu arrives and makes a point of the kitchen’s Canadian-ness – what the Dickens is that I hear you cry?"
"Dutch food, though. Yes, quite. I'll give you a moment. Anything? If you said waffles, then you're wrong"
"I’ve lived in Alba for over 15 years, and have found my happy place. I plant, I grow, I harvest, I cook"
"The food writer Tom Parker Bowles loves such severe capsicum fire in his belly and self-inflicting pain, threatening his tongue and arsehole. I prefer to steer clear of such voluntary punishment"
"And I hate frogs, like a proper extreme hate. Slimy, little, croaking, pustule-skinned bastards"
