Soft jazz, Cuban tobacco and a close shave | The Bulgari Hotel, London

“Were you thinking about Sweeney Todd? Lots of people think about Sweeney Todd.”

I’m in the Bulgari Spa, on the fifth and sixth subterranean floors of the tastefully bling Bulgari Hotel, with its sleek, colonnaded swimming pool, in London’s Knightsbridge. The Demon Barber question comes as I complete an old-fashioned wet shave, one element of the Gentlemen’s Signature Experience, which fronts a new menu of Gentlemen Grooming offerings. Most hotels-with-spas in London provide male grooming packages; what separates this one is what follows my chin trim.

I was actually thinking – heaven knows why – of James Bond, the Daniel Craig iteration, and that sexy Shanghai barbering scene from Skyfall.

Some soothing ESPA lotion applied and Naomie Harris daydreams nixed, I descend to the ground-floor bar, and then up a concealed staircase into the – deep breath – Edward Sahakian Cigar Shop & Sampling Room, where I meet manager Mike Choi. Talk about expertise: Mike finished second in the 2013 Habanosommelier World Championships in Cuba.

Partakers of the Gentlemen’s Signature Experience have their choice of ten Cohibas and ten matching drinks, spanning whiskey, rum and cognac. Given the bijou humidor has around a hundred cigars in total, this seems a trifle restrictive. For me, however, ten is plenty enough choice: far from a cigar specialist, I’m grateful for Mike’s friendly help in selecting a Romeo y Julieta.

As I smoke, a similarly mild Scotch malt in happy tow, Mike disappears to attend to newly-arriving clients, leaving me to gaze around the low-slung room. With saffron walls, leather upholstery, soft jazz and the perfume of Cuban tobacco, it’s all a bit Graham Greene. There’s even a backgammon set in one corner, plus monochrome images of celebrity cigar-suckers on the wall.

Although Mike is actively encouraging women to visit, it’s an overtly macho zone. As well as being traditional, it feels deliberately masculine – a far cry from the Beckhamite metrosexual provisions which predominate in other London spas. I nod with approval, before re-lighting my Cohiba with Choi-like finesse. I am well-coiffed, lightly inebriated and remarkably happy; a far cry from the hirsute chap who’d arrived at the Bulgari two hours earlier.

He was something of a surprise: instead of the bland poshness or five-star hauteur I’d expected, here was a fellow East Londonite

The afternoon had begun with an introduction to James, my appointed expert. He was something of a surprise: instead of the bland poshness or five-star hauteur I’d expected, here was a fellow East Londonite, complete with neck tattoos. Better still, he was a genuinely nice bloke.

Shoreditch anecdotes were swapped as I settled into a barbering chair within the solitary gents’ grooming salon. Barely 20 minutes later, my shapeless mop had become a neat fuzz. A short face massage followed, before a hot towel loosened up my pores for the imminent razor episode.

Shaving can be described in many ways – bristly, perfunctory, close – but rarely is it thrilling. Yet having a stranger scrape a super-sharp blade across my bulging Adam’s apple, my head firmly pulled back, was electrifying.

It turns out that what you really fancy, after all that, and as your heart-rate returns to normal (maybe I had been subconsciously thinking of Sweeney Todd after all?) is a nice cigar.

The spa element of the Gentlemen’s Signature Experience lasts 90 minutes; book an additional 30-minute treatment – totting up two hours’ worth of purchased treatments – you automatically receive free all-day access to the spa. Here you’ll find a small gym, a large relaxation room and, the real attraction: that gorgeous pool. C

The Bulgari Hotel, 171 Knightsbridge, London SW7 1DW
020-7151 1010; bulgarithotels.com