G-whizz | Avenue G, Glasgow

In any city, you need to know one place where everything’s going to be okay. In Venice, it is the poolside bar at the Cipriani. In Chicago, some years ago, it used to be that cute delicatessen at the top floor of Water Tower Place. In London’s Soho it’s the counter of 10 Greek Street. These are the places we run to as we would an old lover, places where, once you’ve been once or twice, you can curl up into a fetal ball, be fed and watered, patted on the head and told that everything’s going to be fine. These are places where people the care – and cook better than you’ll ever be able to. Avenue G is, for me, that place in Glasgow: it’s like Cheers with coffee.

Split into two levels, done in the familiar, functional style of glass partitions and bent-wire lights, the largest person wouldn’t feel cramped here despite the locale’s small size – something Crabshakk really should address. Sit upstairs and watch as the proper cook makes proper bacon sandwiches (almost as lush as the 9am-11am only white-bloomer-and-Old-Spot beauties of London’s St John Bread & Wine). See your cup of coffee made for you, and not in a hurry. This isn’t Starbucks: they don’t ask your name but they probably know it. Accept a smile. Have a chat. Be a mensch.

Or, you can sit downstairs, with sun streaming in and let the made-that-morning-right-there scones talk to you from the countertop. There’s hot granola, waffles and brioche. Lemon and pistachio cake, raspberry crumble, carrot cake and more are foothills to the big chalk board with the specials of the day: soups, salads and sandwiches made by real people who like you. This is the place that is the antithesis of all the bad jokes you’ve ever heard about Scottish cuisine: it’s the opposite end of the deep fried Mars bar universe.

I’ve eaten almost everything here – my favourite is eggs en cocotte with salmon – and, despite me trying, I haven’t eaten a flop yet. It’s a place of happy fat and carbohydrates, of all the things breakfast and lunch should be: uplifting and soothing.

I have no personality without coffee. I figure if that applies to me, it applies to millions. Given that, I could swear on the Barista Bible that Avenue G is the best coffee shop in Glasgow and that would be the end of this article. It’s not a small thing to say, either, as Weegies take their coffee seriously and there are quite a few bean venues in the Dear Green Place. This is a caffeinated paradise where the coffee picks you up like a loving mama, gives you a slight talking to then sends you on your way, girded for victory.

Famous people show up, as they do, keeping a low profile. As I’m paying my bill, a famous singer I once interviewed appears at my side. “PAUL!?” My jaw drops. I should have acted cool. But hey, I’m American. We spend a few minutes trying to pay each other’s bill. Remember when celebrities used to hang out at a place because it was good? It’s like that. Anyone you see here is cognoscente.

I gave my loyalty card to a woman on the train to Euston to make sure she would give Avenue G a go. I’m carrying their El Salvadorian beans in my bag. I hand-grind. And yes, I keep trying to pull myself away, saying, “No, you have to start giving other places a chance…” Always I hightail it back to the place with the silver chairs, “…this precious scone set in the silver sea, which serves it in the orifice of all, or as an oat delicious to a house, against the envy of less happier hands. This blessed plot, this hearth, this restaurant, this Avenue. Gee.”

When in Glasgow, go. C

Avenue G, 291 Byres Road, Glasgow
Avenue-g.com; 0141-339 5336